It's Hard ... :|

It's getting pretty hard everyday... pretending to be happy when in reality you're not ... giving everyone that sweetest smile you can give, when inside, you're actually dying ... hurting in the deepest pain you can ever imagine ... I always believed that loving could be so wonderful and yes, it has indeed been wonderful ... but it also has its shares of painful moments ... almost excruciating as if killing you slowly ... little by little ... bit by bit ...

I came across this quote by mother teresa, that when loving,

"you just love and love until it hurts, until there's no more room for hurt, only for love..."

I was holding on to that message for quite some time, giving all the possible love I can give, everything I've got, every bit of me to that person, even if I don't get as much, or even just a fraction of what I've been giving ... I WAS happy to love unconditionally ... It's happy to love and to give love... although I don't know when it's too much... just kept on ignoring every little pain it gives to not receive love in return, until it gets to the point when the pain has become unbearable ... I'm actually not asking for anything in return, just the heart of that person I love in exchage for mine ... I have given mine, including my soul and every inch of me until I have nothing left for myself ... I WAS glad ... but what pains me so much is that it wasn't even appreciated ... disregarded .. and then it hit me: that I WAS TOO DAMN STUPID ... realized it when it's already late ... I am no saint. .. not even close... I need to feel love, to be loved... AGAIN!.. I WAS loved, and I'm yearning for that sweet feeling even if it wont equal to what I give, I'm only asking for a bit of love... I'm not asking for too much ... JUST A BIT OF LOVE ... I can't hold on much longer... I'm letting go, but I don't know why I just can't... is it because deep down inside me I am still hoping ? I don't know what to think of anymore ... I am going insan e... but what I do know is that I want my life back, I want my heart back ... and if someone is willing to take it, it's yours ... just be sure to be extra careful, it's been broken several times before .. I don't wanna end up picking it all over again, piece by piece, because it has been thrown for the umpteenth time, just because it is no longer needed... spare me the pain ... I don't wanna feel invisible ... unwanted ... I wanna live again ...