It's Hard ... :|

It's getting pretty hard everyday... pretending to be happy when in reality you're not ... giving everyone that sweetest smile you can give, when inside, you're actually dying ... hurting in the deepest pain you can ever imagine ... I always believed that loving could be so wonderful and yes, it has indeed been wonderful ... but it also has its shares of painful moments ... almost excruciating as if killing you slowly ... little by little ... bit by bit ...

I came across this quote by mother teresa, that when loving,

"you just love and love until it hurts, until there's no more room for hurt, only for love..."

I was holding on to that message for quite some time, giving all the possible love I can give, everything I've got, every bit of me to that person, even if I don't get as much, or even just a fraction of what I've been giving ... I WAS happy to love unconditionally ... It's happy to love and to give love... although I don't know when it's too much... just kept on ignoring every little pain it gives to not receive love in return, until it gets to the point when the pain has become unbearable ... I'm actually not asking for anything in return, just the heart of that person I love in exchage for mine ... I have given mine, including my soul and every inch of me until I have nothing left for myself ... I WAS glad ... but what pains me so much is that it wasn't even appreciated ... disregarded .. and then it hit me: that I WAS TOO DAMN STUPID ... realized it when it's already late ... I am no saint. .. not even close... I need to feel love, to be loved... AGAIN!.. I WAS loved, and I'm yearning for that sweet feeling even if it wont equal to what I give, I'm only asking for a bit of love... I'm not asking for too much ... JUST A BIT OF LOVE ... I can't hold on much longer... I'm letting go, but I don't know why I just can't... is it because deep down inside me I am still hoping ? I don't know what to think of anymore ... I am going insan e... but what I do know is that I want my life back, I want my heart back ... and if someone is willing to take it, it's yours ... just be sure to be extra careful, it's been broken several times before .. I don't wanna end up picking it all over again, piece by piece, because it has been thrown for the umpteenth time, just because it is no longer needed... spare me the pain ... I don't wanna feel invisible ... unwanted ... I wanna live again ...

i-tagalog mo ! :D

trip lang, tagalog kung tagalog ! :)

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Tumblr at pikchurs. So far naeenjoy ako sa Tumblr, daming mga pics na nakikita, nakakatuwa kasi ang creative ng mga tao, nakakainis din at the same time kasi nakakainggit sila, di ako ganun kagaling. :P Sa DSLR kasi, mas maganda ang kuha pag natural lighting, walang flash, so kelangan steady ang kamay dahil mabagal ang shutter, dahil kung hindi, blurry ang picture, which is palaging case sakin dahil pasmado ako… ang badtrip ng buhay. Haha. So unfair, parang ang pagte-take over lang ng mga jEjEmON sa MunDo! Anu daw? Haha.

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Usapang what makes you busy. Madami eh. basta magkakasama ang tropa, daming usapan ! :) Mapa fb man o ano .. :))

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Usapang Love-Life. Hmmmm, hindi ko alam pano ko sisimulan. May mga oras na kilig, may mga oras na malungkot. Minsan, naka-hang ka, feeling mo oo na, tapos malalaman mo hindi naman pala, ata? Nakakasakit ng ulo, sa totoo lang nakakapagod yun. Ang masama, hindi mo alam kung meron o wala, kasi sa totoo, feeling ko meron, pero ang hirap namang mag-assume ng mga bagay-bagay, tapos malalaman ko na oo, “nag-aassume lang pala talaga ako.”

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Pag-aaral. Tulad ng sinabi ko sa isa kong blog. Mag-aaral ako ng mabuti. Dahil sobrang nahihiya na ako sa magulang ko. Hindi ko naman ginusto na sayangin ang dalawang taon ko sa Archi .. kasalanan ko ba na hindi ko kaya ? :| Hindi ko naman kasi talaga gusto yun, pinilit lang nila ko. sinubukan ko naman gawin ang makakaya ko. Eh kaso hanggang duon na lang talaga, kaya ngayon. babawi ako. Papatunayan ko saknila na may ibubuga ako. :) Alam kong kaya ko ! Adja ANNE !!

Mga Kaibigan. Di ako mauubusan ng kwento dito. Masaya naman ang buhay kaibigan ko at makulay. Sa ngayon, dami akong mga bagong kaibigan, mahal ko na silang lahat. May mga friends din ako na walangya, and I mean that in a goodway, from elementary yun at highschool at sobrang saya ko dahil may koneksyon parin ako sakanila hanggang ngayon. May mga namimiss din naman ako, from archimates, minsan na lang kasi kame magkausap-usap, na mi miss ko na yung bonding naming bradz and peerx. :|. Nakakalungkot kasi di na gaano in-touch yung iba, lalo na pag naiisip mo yung mga masasayang araw. Totoo nga naman, people do come and go, pero sakin, cheesy man, lahat sila nag-iistay dito - ♥.

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Bakasyon. KJ ang mga kaibigan ko. Gusto ko mag-gala pero lahat busy. Pero bakit ako kahit busy kayang hindi magpaka-busy ? Hehe. Ayos ah. Magbabakasyon na lang ako mag-isa. Nako, mukang lalagnatin ako sa mga susunod na araw, napre-predict ko. Hihi.

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Pagtatapos. Nakakapagod pala itong pagtatagalog ng buong buo sa blog, hindi katulad ng pagsasalita sa tagalog. Pero at the same time (ang hirap naman kung sabihin ko pang kasabay nito), nakakatuwa rin naman. Nakakaexpress din ako ng mga saloobin na hindi ko maisalin sa wikang ingles, deym ! Hehe. Ako’y matutulog na. Tandaan lang, “Kahit malungkot, piliting sumaya.” :)

Just a Blah !

Something new has just begun, and something (not so) old is about to end. In the midst of it all, I feel a bit of a mix-bag. But of course, these are phases in life that I must go through whether I am ready or not.

I miss a lot of things from the past, and I’m missing a lot of people right now: my friends afield and my friends whom I haven’t seen for a while now. During these times when I feel the longing for someone, memories of the past resurfaces from deep within: times when I can be completely happy with just fries and ice creams; non-stop videoke madness; a small chat in a coffee house with only one of us ordering a drink and all of us taking a sip in it; times when we don’t have money where every single peso counts, and we’re completely happy about it… thinking about all these, takes me to the verge of tears. *sniff* But I’m not lonely; this is just the nightly call of the heart for its other parts away from it.

Anyway, moving on to the next something-something, when you’re absent from a gathering, you get to be the topic and it’s a completely normal phenomenon. I experience it all the time and we do it all the time, haha! Be it a good thing or the opposite, you should not let it get to you. And be it a good thing or a bad thing, I’m absolutely flattered that people do take their sweet time to talk about me. *blush* Hehe. It all depends on how you take it, and not thinking about it is the best way to deal with it. :)

“To be positive with every challenge that I face, to be stronger with every obstacle that I overcome,” that is my philosophy.

Every day for me is a learning day. Be it jammed with responsibilities or just a day to relax. Because every day, I get to experience new things, or meet new people, or arrive into conclusions and realizations, which makes me gain new knowledge; something out of anything, and I’m completely thankful for it. Life is a blessing no matter how hard it is.

Journey.

I couldn't care less about what lies at the end of this road, but what I do know is that regardless of this arduous and grueling journey, I know somewhere along the way I will find truth and reasons for my existence. I may be now in this limbo of uncertainties of life, but little by little, I am inching towards the path where I'm sure will lead me to greatness and my purpose. Yes, obstacles and countless stumbles I will face, but no matter how long it takes, I just know, I WILL GET THERE... and from there onwards, I will start living again.